well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
