i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
