i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize