At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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