Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
