I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
