i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wrigley field is MILF paradise
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
