i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
