Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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