Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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