She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
