i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
