i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
