My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
