she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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