Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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