i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
