I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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