So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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