I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
