Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
