You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
