If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
