no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
