STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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