am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
don't judge my taste in strippers
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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