Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're a waste of cheezeits
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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