remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
