there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
