What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
