a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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