Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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