she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
