The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
