it hurts more in the daytime
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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