her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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