Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I had to cum in my sink.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
