I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize