I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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