she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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