I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
