Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i will never coherently bang her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
