So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
