He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
