She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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