He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
