The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
