I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
