I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
