dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
