I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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