Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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