Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
