no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize