So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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