dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
