My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
