I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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