He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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