I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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