Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
