I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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